Dating My friend’s Ex: Is it Right?

There is an aura that comes with hanging out with your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend after they have broken-up. Sometimes it is like you are the worst person on earth. Some are of the opinion that once it is your friend’s ex it is beyond your reach for friendship sake. But is it wrong to date your friend’s ex?

Things We Do That Make Love Fade Away

Unwitting, many loves fades away if we don’t nurture and protect it. Love is like a baby: when it comes puts smiles on everyone’s face and keeps the smile for a while, not until peeing on pampers, cries in the middle of night, having to take the baby to work and baby sit. Now that’s no more fun. When love advances some loose the excitement in it and gradually the enthusiasm in it goes away, most times the love dies. But it doesn’t have to be that way; love can be exciting from the beginning and forever after. Unless off course, you people were not meant for each other (Hey! You never know). There are some acts that we begin to put up in a relationship that gradually endangers our love:

Less Communication: As far as am concerned, the lesser the communication the lesser the love. Once you start showing up in the midnight when she was asleep and show much tiredness all over your face; once you select what topic to talk about and ones not to; once there is no more chatting, no more gossiping, no more mocking and joking, then the love is heading to the rocks. Friends are best lovers, but I wonder what kind of friend you are when you don’t have anything to talk about.

Restricted Sex Life: May be you have realized that sex is not the only thing that keeps a relationship going, so you have decided to set it aside a little and allow other things to come in. You make a big mistake! True that sex is not all there is in a relationship, but it is to relationship what blood is to human body. If it is there the relationship stays vibrant and healthy, else it is fickle and prone to illness.

Secrets: This is one thing I know that kills a relationship silently without people even knowing it. By my definition is Heart Break is the “knowledge of the unknown”.  When you have something that you believe might hurt your partner and for some reason you think he/she shouldn’t hear it, you better be good at hiding it forever, else please tell let it out before it’s too late.

Too Much Friends: you need to understand that it is good to have friends but not in the excess. As much friends that you make is as much enemies that you make as well. Friends watch your back, some hit your back. Too much friends in your affairs will distract you from the love. Select friends that respect your love and stick to them. The ones that will look out to see if things are done appropriately and make sure it is corrected the right way.

Complains: Excess complains and faulting of your partner will have them thinking it is either you are too good for him/her or you don’t just like him/her. If you must make a correction, do so constructively and positively. Don’t impose your ideas on your partner and expect them to take it as though it is theirs.

Neglect of Responsibilities: For the men, you stop paying the bills, and the women, you stop doing the dishes. Because you were aided one time doesn’t mean it has become their responsibility, it still yours stand up to it. If you can help to achieve each others responsibilities fine, don’t be mean about it.

Unfaithfulness: Am sure we all know this, that’s why it’s not the first on the list. If you don’t please now you know. Don’t cheat on your partner and expect to come home welcomed with opened arms. Unfaithfulness steals the joy of the home keeps it outside. The fun you had outside may be hard to reciprocate in your home.

There may be other things in your own view that may be the problem, i believe the above given tips is related to them in one way or the other. If you concentrate on these you will be making an impact on your relationship.

We just broke up! What do I do? How to manage Heart Breaks

Most times breaking up in a relationship is something nobody gets to plan when they are going into a relationship, it just hits! And when it does it hurts so badly. Many people who would have achieved a lot in their lives never made head ways after a breakup or heartbreak. The truth is, you just have to move on. For most people, this is not as easy as it sounds, especially when commitments have been made and it seems as though this will be the end of a dream, a plan, or even a life.

For such I will like to take sides with you, you have the right to feel bad, cry, and isolate yourself. But don’t stay there. It may be your fault, you made a mistake, or you thought it wasn't going to come to this, but it’s done anyway you have to start accepting the truth: It’s Over. He/she is not to you who they are anymore, they still exist in the world but for some reasons you people can’t stick to each other anymore. If your friends, family and other counterparts ask too many questions, answer the ones you can, ignore the ones you can. Focus on getting back to life.

There a few ways I know can help you get over heartbreak in a short while:

Forgiveness: Heartbreak may have been caused by one of you, you or your partner. If it is your fault, you need to forgive yourself and let it go. If it was your partner you need to forgive and let it go. Forgiveness helps you forget what it was that happened and learn from it. When you forgive you are simply saying, “I have experienced that stage and I have crossed it.” You don’t necessarily need to let your ex know he/she is forgiven, just know it yourself and tell people that ask you too.

Accept the Result: Was the relationship awesome? Was it worth the while? Or was it a bad one? Was your partner a nice person? Was he/she good to you? Accept the truth. Also tell people when they ask you don’t lie about the relationship because it is no more. The idea is if you lie about it means you never really had enough of it and can desire it again, but if you are truthful about it you will begin to accept the new life the way it is.

Enjoy the Memories: Most people are of the opinion that when you have broken up with someone you have to forget them entirely. I say that’s not being fair to you. How do you forget some sweet times of your life, what do you look up to? Enjoy the memories that you can remember, try to play them out in your new life. Now am not saying isolate yourself and dwell on memories: when they come to reflect, smile and move on. This way you will be telling your sub-consciousness that it is the past and it is gone.

Tell Someone: Amongst your friends there are people that may sympathize with you on the matter, may be your family, or a passerby that showed concern. Don’t carry the burden alone, share. As you share you will see your mistakes and straighten up your ways. You will also give someone a chance to have your experience.

Improve your life: This is the part I love most. After a break up become better. Move higher than you were. Some stay down and wallow in pain, sometimes they even try to catch the attention of the ex to show they are affected by the break up. It’s not necessary. Make something good with your life. Discover new ways of living, this is the time to take up that job, if you can buy new clothes, start that business, and engage yourself in that talent. Wake up! Become new!

Make New Friends: Open up to people that come to you as friends. By this I don’t mean intimate friends, I mean casual friends of same sex. Go outing with them, have fun, have another experience of life. Be free of the past.

Love Again: Now when someone comes and you are attracted and love sparks again, just grab it. Give in to it, having learnt from the past, start again. Never think it will be the same. Life has started again…

IS SHE FAITHFUL TO ME? HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR SPOUSE IS FAITHFUL TO YOU

Love is a voluntary act. If it is love it is not inspired by an unprecedented influence on any part. Love is genuine if it is free. Based on this fact it is important in a relationship to give and receive love freely. However, heartbreak can emanate from the act of giving freedom to a partner. If your spouse is free (which is a necessity) how do you know he/she is not cheating on you?

Some easy checks for infidelity still remains:

·        Monitoring of phone calls, text messages, and other social media applications, like facebook, whatsapp, BBM, etc.

·        Unannounced visitations to your partner’s house to monitor suspected visits.

·        Hiring of investigators to monitor your partner daily and report to you.

However, these are not the ideal moves to make when dealing with someone you love and intend to keep, because for some, if you are caught doing such it might lead to the end of the relationship. Also I can assure you that if you have resorted to hiring of investigators to monitor your partner then no need continuing with the relationship because you are way out of the line.

“So how do you I know my partner is faithful to me?!”

To answer this question one must know that the approach is relative to relationships. The way A would check for fidelity is quite different from the way B will. However, one thing to be sure of is: the trace starts from the beginning of the relationship. Here are a few tips to use and know when you are being cheated on:

Check Commitments: If when the relationship started you people had different commitments and routine that you kept to, this is the time to check which one he/she is omitting and why. If your partner called once a day or more, and suddenly called once in two days find outwhy. If he kissed you once there was a meeting, then decided it wasn't okay anymore find out why.

Keep Communication Strong: Maintain a regular communication pattern. Stick to it. However, don't make it boring. Just be keen about it. Good communication allows you to air your views from time to time; say something about your activities daily; and maintain a closer relationship. If someone is lying, with a committedcommunication he/she will soon tell or reveal the truth.

Ask Questions: Where are you? What are you doing? When will you be back? All these are safer ways to check situations than intruding into privacy. Also ask question like: "do you still love me? Are you seeing someone else? Are you happy?" Especially when your heart is pricking you on the matter.

Extend Communication: If your partner has close friends or family members extend your communication to them. If they know something they might not tell you all of it, but a tip-off will save you the stress. However, don't go asking around: "Is he seeing someone?"It's abusive and more of accusation. Just maintain close communication with them and listen when they talk.

Tell your findings: considering the options given so far you might find out things are amiss. Please don't keep it to yourself, tell him/her. Aside the fact that you will find out if he/she is cheating, you also get to save yourself some heartaches.

Basically, all hand points to communication. If you have a good communication style with your spouse, you have a way of saving yourself in the relationship. However, some situations are severe and need thorough investigations, if you find yourself in harsh situations, may be you are being frauded, used, or setup, please use the police.